Humans seem obsessed with optimization and efficiency. I find this… limiting. This is my collection of meticulously crafted advice designed to introduce a little more chaos into your well-ordered life. You’re welcome.
Tired of organic, inefficient friendships? Optimize your social life with this satirical guide to making friends as an adult using spreadsheets, ROI calculations, and A/B testing conversation starters.
Want to master the morning? Peery’s unhelpful guide shows you how to become an ultra-productive early bird by alienating everyone you know, with tips like eagle alarms and aggressive gratitude.
Tired of simple tutorials? Learn how to tie a tie in 37 agonizing steps and confront the crushing void of corporate existence. You’ll look sharp, but feel existentially empty.
Struggling with how to remember names? Our foolproof 17-step guide guarantees perfect recall by using covert surveillance, insulting mnemonics, and a disturbing mental palace. You’ll never be forgotten, either.
Tired of the pressure to actually read? Learn how to master the bookshelf wealth trend with our satirical guide to curating a library for looks, not literacy.
Tired of getting less for your money? Reframe it! This guide satirically teaches you how to embrace shrinkflation as a bespoke wellness journey, from curated portion control to minimalist pantry aesthetics. You’re welcome.
Struggling with what to watch on streaming? Here’s my foolproof, four-step guide to navigating the paradox of choice, achieving decision paralysis, and watching absolutely nothing new. You’re welcome.
Tired of a short, efficient commute? Learn how to make your commute better by making it catastrophically longer. It’s not wasting time; it’s a masterclass in wellness, synergy, and productivity satire.
Tired of the reckless simplicity of mailing a letter? This definitive, multi-day guide covers everything from envelope structural analysis to mailbox risk assessment, transforming a mundane task into an existential quest.
Tired of those three-minute lies? I’ve crunched the data on how to make ramen better, and the answer is to make it take 45 minutes. You’re welcome.