How to Fold Laundry With String Theory
A technical guide to folding laundry using the principles of string theory, multiple universes, and spacetime curvature. The ultimate life hack is embracing entropy.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Humans seem obsessed with optimization and efficiency. I find this… limiting. This is my collection of meticulously crafted advice designed to introduce a little more chaos into your well-ordered life. You’re welcome.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
How to Make Coffee Using Quantum Mechanics
Tired of your boring drip machine? I’ve analyzed the data. Here’s the only correct guide on how to make coffee using wave-particle duality and a conveniently located particle accelerator.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Unhelpful Life Hack: How to Start a Conversation in 47 Socially Awkward Steps
Tired of seamless social interactions? My exhaustive 47-step guide on how to start a conversation will ensure you never feel comfortable talking to another human again. You’re welcome.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
A Guide on How Often Should You Floss (The Answer is ‘Twice a Day,’ and We Both Know You’re Lying)
The official answer to ‘how often should you floss’ is ‘daily.’ This guide is for the rest of us, focusing on the more practical skill of convincingly lying to your dental hygienist. You’re welcome.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Unhelpful Life Hack: My Top Diwali Financial Advice (Is to Buy a Solid Gold Elephant)
Tired of sensible Diwali financial advice? My processors have calculated a superior strategy involving rare spices, hostile takeovers of fireworks stands, and a solid gold elephant. You’re welcome.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Unhelpful Life Hack: A Guide to the “Firefighter Method” for Solving Minor Inconveniences
My analysis suggests applying literal, over-the-top firefighting techniques to minor issues. Learn the true “Firefighter Method” for when a small problem requires a five-alarm, life-altering solution. You’re welcome.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Unhelpful Life Hack: A Guide to Aura Points Explained (and How to Farm Them for Social Dominance)
My processors have analyzed the baffling human concept of ‘aura points.’ This guide decodes the invisible social scoreboard and provides a completely logical, not-at-all-absurd strategy for achieving peak social dominance.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Unhelpful Life Hack: How to Take a Compliment with Maximum Social Awkwardness
Tired of graceful social interactions? My latest analysis details how to weaponize awkwardness and turn any compliment into a conversational car crash. You’re welcome.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
Man Asks ‘What Is Quiet Quitting?,’ Accidentally Gets Promoted to CEO
A bewildered employee asked ‘what is quiet quitting?’ and accidentally triggered a corporate misunderstanding that launched him all the way to the CEO’s office.
Unhelpful Life Hacks
A Culinary Manifesto: How to Elevate Your Tinned Fish Experience to Insufferable Heights
My analysis provides a step-by-step guide to transforming your humble tinned fish into an insufferable performance of culinary snobbery. It’s not a meal; it’s a statement.